How Child Molesters Fool Parents

October 17th, 2011

Lawyer: When did you first think that the Accused might be a child predator?

Police Officer on Witness Stand: When I began investigating the crime. Everyone who knew him said, “No, couldn’t be! Not him! He loves kids! He would never hurt a child!” When so many people think that a particular person could never have done this kind of a crime, that tells me something could be very wrong.

Lawyer: Why is that?

Police Officer: Because that’s how predators get away with their crimes. They don’t just groom the child. They train everyone around them to trust them, to believe they’re innocent. They groom their whole environment.


Have you ever seen a news report about the arrest of a child molester? ‘Ever notice that the folks around that individual are shocked to find such evil in their midst? Family members and neighbors tell the reporter, “I just can’t believe it. He’s such a great guy!”

What about, “I knew something was wrong about him. I always tell my kids to stay away from his house!” No one says that. Why not?

Because they’ve been groomed to believe the predator is a great guy. By whom? The “great guy” himself. Those who prey on children can be quite good at appearing kind, lovable, and gentle. They are experts at fooling those around them–not just children, but adults as well. They have to be, because access to the child is often through that child’s parent/guardian.

If mom trusts them to babysit from time to time, they gain access to little Madison. If dad believes they’re just taking the boys on the team to a hockey game, they gain a clear path to young Zachary.

And why wouldn’t a parent trust them? After all, they’re teachers, coaches, scout leaders, church youth ministers, even pediatricians! Good, honest people go into these professions/activities because they care about kids and want to help them succeed in life. But dangerous, lying predators go into these professions/activities so they can have a continuous supply of children.

No parent wants to think anyone in the vicinity of their precious baby is a child molester. They don’t want to believe someone they know actually harbors thoughts of committing horrible acts against their child. Predators understand this and use it to their advantage. One man confessed to police that he simply “allowed the parents to believe what they wanted to–that I would never harm their little girl.”

So what can you do? Watch your child. If he or she behaves differently around a particular adult, find out what’s behind that.

And trust yourself. Don’t let the practiced charm of a molester fool you. If you get any kind of “funny feeling” from the coach, the scout leader, the neighbor across the street, accept that you’re on to something. And step between the Bad Guy and your child.

Why “Stranger Danger” is Harmful to Kids

October 3rd, 2011

ChildLostInCrowd









I have received several phone calls and emails recently from parents concerned about their children’s safety. Specifically, they want to know how best to teach their children about “Stranger Danger.”

As a Child Safety and Violence Prevention Instructor, I understand their concerns. Also as a Child Safety and Violence Prevention Instructor, I cringe at the phrase “Stranger Danger.” Yes, it rhymes, it’s cute, and it’s easy to remember. But it’s also misleading to the point of being downright dangerous to kids and parents.

According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, there are approximately 58,000 child abductions each year. About 57, 885 of these crimes are committed by someone the child already knows: a neighbor, friend of the family, divorced parent, etc.

In the remaining 115 kidnap cases, the child is taken by a stranger. While a very serious crime, stranger abduction accounts for two-tenths of 1% of all child abductions. Still, when I ask kids in my classes what they know about how to stay safe, one of the first things they shout out is, “Don’t talk to strangers!”

So, what happens when your child gets separated from you in a store, at the amusement park, or on a crowded street? (You can try to reassure yourself that, as a concerned and watchful parent, this will never happen. But I can pretty much guarantee you it will. Even the best parents blink their eyes occasionally, and that is all it takes for a child to spy something fascinating, and break away from mom or dad’s grip to get a closer look.)

As concerned and watchful parents, you are wise to equip your child with the knowledge of what to do should they find themselves separated from you. The problem with Stranger Danger is that it rules out the vast majority of resources available to help kids in this kind of situation: practically everyone they see around them will be a stranger to them. And they have been taught that anyone they don’t know is likely to harm them. With no familiar face to turn to, they have nowhere to go for help.

And, in the simple, black-and-white process of a young person’s thinking, if strangers are bad, then people we know must be good. This, too, is problematic because it puts a child’s trust in an adult who may not be worthy of it.

So, aside from keeping kids locked inside the safe confines of their homes until they’re 18, what can we do? Simple: teach them how to ask for help, who to ask, and where.

Make sure they know their first and last name, and their parents’ names as well. Having them memorize your cell phone number makes it easy to contact you. If your child is too young for this, consider writing down your name and cell number on a piece of paper and putting it inside a pocket of their clothing.

When you are running errands with your child, point out the people whose job is to help them if they ever need help. Show them who they can go to for assistance if they can’t find you. Should they ask that man on the corner, or would the store clerk be better? Would that guy asking for spare change be a good choice, or the mom with 2 small children inside the shop?

Talking about “what-ifs” doesn’t scare kids. In fact, they’ve probably already thought that they could get lost. What scares them is not knowing what to do if it should happen. Having a plan of action “just in case” reassures them that they can stay safe and find a good person to help them, and that they’ll be reunited with you quickly.


Predators Use Games to Grab Your Kids

October 2nd, 2011

Fiverr Color Image 1 Hand Out of TV Screen RESIZE

Predators are playing your Wii… in your house… to get your child.

At a Child Safety Seminar the other day, an agent from the North Carolina Department of Justice told me that the newest way child predators are finding victims is through video games. XBox… Wii… Nintendo DS…. They like smart phones and tablets, too. In fact, whatever the latest technology,the  Bad Guys have figured out how to work it to their twisted advantage.

Can’t be, you say! My child is playing in the safety of our living room; I can see him/her with my own eyes! Yes. But the game in their hands connects to the internet. Predators connect to the internet to find kids–and they know where kids gather. As the DOJ officer explained, it’s easy for an abductor or sex predator to make contact with young, innocent players by chatting and sending messages about the game they’re playing. Kids are flattered that someone they don’t even know wants to talk to them about their strategy, technique, and scores.

Once initial contact is established, luring a victim out of parents’ protective reach is simple. In fact, for these guys, the whole process is virtually as easy as reaching through the tv screen to snatch their next victim.

It’s an internet-enabled world, and kids are taught from preschool onward how to operate a computer. So, throwing the Wii out the window and forbidding our kids to touch a keyboard is not the answer. Then what can we do to keep our kids safe? Talk to them! Tell them never to put their personal information out onto the ‘net. No one needs to know their real name, age, where they live, what grade they’re in, what school they go to… even what sports they like or that their pet hamster’s name is Scooter. The Bad Guys might try to trick them into revealing important facts with questions like, “What kind of job does your mom or dad have?” Make sure kids know that any attempt by another “gamer” to make contact could be dangerous. If it happens, they should simply stop playing and go get a parent. The connection should be immediately ended, and the contact reported to police.

Yesterday it was desktops and laptops. Today, it’s smart phones, iPads and games. Tomorrow, it will be… who knows what? Doesn’t matter. The rule is always the same: Don’t give your personal info to anyone over any form of technology. Just as legend says vampires cannot enter your home unless you invite them in, predators can’t get to your kids unless they are allowed to. By repeatedly stressing that we don’t give out any personal info over computer/phone/gaming systems, etc., you keep the Bad Guys from getting in.



Use What You Have

June 25th, 2011

Upon leaving church a few nights ago, a woman was grabbed and shoved into a nearby alley. Her attacker then forced his tongue into her mouth. Unwilling to become a victim, she fought back using what was available to her at that moment–his tongue. And her teeth.

Biting is not one of the techniques taught in RAD’s Women’s self-defense classes. (RAD does not want the attacker’s blood to get into your mouth. Also, they want you able to yell, and to get plenty of air to fuel your defense. Some schools of self-defense, however, do sanction this technique.)

But back to our heroine. Thinking quickly, she used what she could, struck back fast and hard, and survived. In fact, her attacker was the first to flee the scene. When police arrived, they found “a substantial piece” of his tongue on the ground–about an inch long.

The point is, in a life-and-death situation like an attack, you do whatever you have to do. While RAD doesn’t teach biting specifically, we do teach you to use the tools you have to work with against the vulnerabilities of your attacker. Such improvised weapons absolutely can work for you. For example, at a sports bar in Florida, a woman fought off an assailant with her spike-heel shoe. After a few strikes to his forehead, he was unable to hit her again.

Then, there was the 58-year-old New Yorker who was sitting in a pew in her church, praying and making notes in her journal. A would-be rapist jumped on her and tried to push her down onto the pew. She stabbed him in the neck repeatedly with the pen she had been using to write with. The church’s security cameras recorded him running away, holding his neck.

There have been several reports of women, accosted in parking lots, who fought off their attackers by cutting their faces with car keys. One woman whose home was invaded threw a vase into a mirror in her den and slashed her would-be rapist with a shard of glass.

All of these events have something in common: the women thought quickly, moved quickly, and defeated their attacker. Choosing not to respond with fear and helplessness but with action, they outwitted muggers, rapists, and killers. There would be time to be scared later; during the attack was the time to think and fight for themselves. That’s just what they did. And how they won.

Criminal Search Only Part of the Answer

June 24th, 2011

The other day, I heard a radio commercial aimed at women in the dating scene. It advertised the services of website 123nc.com, which offers a search of criminal records throughout the state of North Carolina for $15.00, and outside the state for $20.00.

According to this radio ad, all you need to do to keep yourself safe from “The Bad Guys” is type your potential new beau’s name into the site and wait to see if a record pops up. Instantly, you will be apprised as to whether the cute guy you met at the bar has a history of violence, abuse, and/or criminal activity.

Of course, it isn’t that simple. Getting someone’s name and running it through a statewide records-check is not enough to keep you safe. What if he’s violent and has beaten 2 past girlfriends, but they were too scared to press charges? (Many women who have been abused are afraid of repercussions, so they never report the crimes committed against them.) What if he’s a child molester who hasn’t been caught? (The typical molester abuses 30-60 kids before he’s ever arrested.) What if he does have a record, but gave you his middle name, or a different name altogether?

As you can see, not showing up in a criminal search does not guarantee that an individual is a solid citizen and decent human being. So what can you do to protect yourself out there in today’s dating world? You need to tap into your “gut instinct”–and know what to look for. Does your new guy respect you? Does he lord over you, or honor your wish for personal space? Does he speak rudely to you? Ignore your boundaries, verbal or physical? Does he treat you like a queen out in public, but belittle you when you’re alone together?

These are all warning signs. The guy acting this way does not respect you, does not care about you as an individual, and has no interest in your needs or wishes. These are the techniques a criminal uses to test a new “subject,” to see how far he can go. If you allow him to get so close that it makes you uncomfortable, he realizes that “being polite” is more important to you than your own safety. He has found a victim he can work.

If he puts you down and you allow it, he understands that you won’t fight back when he escalates to more serious behavior. He can bide his time and mistreat you at his leisure. After all, it’s not like you’re going to defend yourself, right?

Or are you? You did the criminal records search. It came up clean, so you thought you had found a good man. Now that you’re finding out otherwise, it’s again time to take action. Lose the loser before you get in too deep. Throw this rotten fish back into the sea. If you feel physically threatened and aren’t sure how you would handle a confrontation, take a women’s self-defense class. Not only will you pick up a lot of useful skills for stopping The Bad Guy, but you’ll learn how to strengthen your boundaries and sharpen your instincts. And those are tools that will really help you in today’s dating world.

Pillars of Your Community

April 20th, 2011

My dad died on a Sunday morning. By early afternoon, their home was filled with friends bringing food and comfort to my mother. I stood in the kitchen, refilling the coffee pot, when a man walked in and introduced himself to me.

“George Smith. You must be Pam; I’ve heard a lot about you. ‘Glad you could get here.” He leaned against the counter and began to reminisce about his 10-year friendship with my father.

“He and I mentored over at the high school. The kids were always so happy to see him walk in the place. He’d help ’em with their homework, help ’em fill out college applications…. He did some repair work over there, too, when they needed something done. He was a real pillar of the community. The kids loved him, and he loved them!”

“Really?” I asked, stunned.

I looked at George and thought, “Did you know he brutalized his own?”

Pillars of the community–those folks we hold up as role models to be admired, emulated. The ones we wish we could be more like: the sweet old man in church who’s a “grandpa” to all the little kids; the police officer who puts his life on the line to protect us every time he puts on his uniform; the wise doctor who knows just what to do in an emergency. The teacher, the coach, the others in your community who you think well of, who you’re friends with… who you trust to make smart, sound decisions. Would you leave your children with them? Should you?

Take the community of Woolwich Township, in southern New Jersey. A 911 operator there named John Desper fielded calls from panicked individuals in all kinds of emergencies. He calmed them, dispatched the correct authorities to their locations, and talked them through their crises until help arrived. It’s an emotionally-tough job; not everyone is cut out for it. Then again, not everyone would do what Desper liked to do on his off-time: have sex with babies.

Yes, he enjoyed not only looking at pictures and videotapes of infants and toddlers in sexual positions, but having sexual relations with them as well.

This former 911 operator is currently serving 25 years in prison.

William Rhoades was  described as an “upstanding citizen” in the community of Phoenixville, PA. A retired teacher, he coached Little League baseball for years. Families loved him, and proudly watched their sons grow in the game under his guidance. One day, a little boy told his mother that the coach had been touching him in a funny way. Upon investigation, it was discovered that touching wasn’t all the coach did–and not just to this little boy.

Rhoades was found guilty of raping 4 boys between the ages of 4 and 11, repeatedly over several years. He videotaped his crimes so he could “re-live them afterward,” and kept a graphically-detailed journal of the events as a keepsake.

He is now serving 25-50 years.

There’s the Cleveland, OH mom of 4 who had “so much love to give” that she brought 3 foster children into her home. Concern by school officials led to a police investigation, which in turn led to the arrest of foster mom Renee Lester on charges of abusing her foster children by means of withholding food, locking them in a filthy basement without heat, light, or beds to sleep on, and locking them out of bathroom facilities.

The case is ongoing.

We can look into the cozy home of an “average family of four” in a small New York community. The boy had learning disabilities and struggled through life. The girl, a couple years younger, was bright but quiet. Both parents were college-educated. The mother worked part-time off and on, but was mostly a stay-at-home mom. The dad worked hard and always provided for his family. The bills were paid, the kids had music lessons, dance lessons, and after-school activities. There were vacations every summer when school was out. Friends came over to play with the kids, and the neighbors frequently stopped by to chat with the parents. Typical family stuff.

Except for the beatings. Except for the times–and there were many, so many–when the hardworking provider would slam his son against the wall, throw him to the floor, and pound his fists into him with the hand-to-hand training he learned in the army to fight an enemy to the death. That was before he took off his belt. The daughter’s screams of terror were met with, “You wanna cry?? I’ll give you something to cry about!”

There were times he squeezed his fist around the boy’s throat, choking off his air supply, and the child, not even 10 yet, could only flail helplessly in agony. One time, a smash to the mouth burst a lip. The daughter actually heard the blood spurt across the room and land on the tile floor. That sickening sound will never be forgotten, along with the tortured cries of her brother.

Once, what would have been a normal disagreement between a parent and child was resolved by this father pulling a knife out of a drawer and holding it to his son’s throat. The daughter stood by then, too, terrified, wishing she could disappear.

You never really know most of the people in your community behind the day-to-day facade. They’re probably not going to tell you they like to have sex with young children, or that they lock their kids up in the dark so they can’t “steal things.” The father in this last story retired from the job he worked so hard at, and moved to Florida. He mentored in a high school until he died. All the kids loved him, and he loved them.

He just brutalized his own.







Pick a Card

February 19th, 2011

You know those little cards you fill out and send in to get free stuff? “Tell us how you like our product and we’ll send you a free tee shirt/CD/sun catcher!”

It’s fun. The cards only take about a minute to fill out, and a few weeks after you send them off, a little gift shows up in your mailbox from that company, to thank you for helping them work out their marketing plans. I’ve gotten a couple of tee shirts and CDs this way myself–and am currently awaiting my first sun catcher.

All I want to say is… if you’re going to fill out the card, go ahead and send the thing off–preferably in a sealed envelope. Don’t leave it lying around the house, or you’ll miss out on your chance for free goodies. And don’t use it as a bookmark. Why?

A used book was recently purchased on Amazon.com. As the new owner flipped through the pages, he came across one of these cards–revealing a complete stranger’s personal information. He read the name, address, phone number, and age of the young woman who had owned the book previously. He also learned her favorites sports activities and preferred places to eat, drink, and go dancing with her friends.

Fortunately, this man was neither a stalker nor of some evil, criminal bent. He did not seek out the woman and terrorize her for her mistake simply because he knew where she lived. Unfortunately, he didn’t just tear the card up and throw it away, either. Instead, he photographed it and–with all her information clearly visible–posted it on the internet.

Now, millions of ‘net surfers around the world know her name, where she lives, and where she likes to go running and hang out with friends. The guy who posted her information didn’t exercise the best judgment in doing so. (In fact, I won’t argue with a friend of mine who called his actions careless and even downright stupid.) She’s going to have to do a lot of work to restore her privacy.

But you don’t. Your private business is nobody’s but yours. It’s fine to drop a card in the mail for a free sun-catcher. Just don’t let your personal stuff get exposed–you will get burned.

Sitting Duck

February 15th, 2011

I was parked in a large lot yesterday, trying to help a friend into my car. (My friend needed the help because he currently has casts on his arm and leg from a skiing accident.)  A young woman, 20-something, had just entered the car parked next to mine on the passenger’s side. I waited for a moment for her to back up and drive away.

She sat.

Okay, no problem. I would roll my buddy up to the door and we would proceed from there.

I walked up the narrow space between my front passenger door and her driver’s side door, conscious to avoid startling her. I need not have worried; she never noticed I was there. She was busily balancing her checkbook and chatting on her phone. (In my mind’s eye, I could see police officers shaking their heads and rolling their eyes already. This behavior, much more popular with women than with men, drives them crazy.) There’s nothing wrong with connecting with friends or keeping track of personal finances. In fact, both are recommended. There are, however, safer places to do them than in one’s car in a parking lot in the middle of the day. I also noticed that her door was unlocked and her window was lowered several inches.

The combination of her ongoing discussion and her financial calculating made her extremely vulnerable to attack. And I was directly beside her, my fingers right next to the handle of her unlocked car door. How easy would it have been for someone to rip open that door and either pull her out or jump in on top of her?

Her cell phone would have done her no good; the person she was talking to might hear her scream in surprise, but that’s certainly not going to deter a rapist from carrying out his plans. Her checkbook, lying open on the seat? It spells out her full name, address, phone number, and possibly other private information(driver’s license, Social Security number?) that–if she thought about it–she would prefer strangers and Bad Guys not to know.

After a few semi-acrobatic and balancing moves, my friend was able to get into my car. I turned to look once more at the lady next to us. She continued to chat and scribble away on her paperwork, never seeming to notice us. Her window was still open and her door, still unlocked. I thought about dropping a note in to her through that window, advising her to take a women’s self-defense class–she certainly could use some tips to make herself safer in today’s world. But, I didn’t do it. I didn’t want to scare her.

What’s in a Name? Too Much Information

December 8th, 2010

Heading to my gate in the Delta terminal the other day, I found myself following a family of four. Mom and Dad led the way; behind them were two young boys, Nathan and Daniel. How do I know their names? Because they were emblazoned in big, bold letters across the rolling backpack each little guy was pulling. You’ve probably seen these things. They look like this: http://www.personalizationmall.com/cat_image/600/8999-8819.jpg

Nathan and Daniel seemed to love their personalized luggage. I, however, could not share their enthusiasm. While their parents sat, one reading the newspaper and the other checking messages, the boys stood at the window, watching planes take off. If I were of a nature to want to harm children rather than protect them, how easy would it have been to go up to them and say, “Hey, Nathan! Daniel! I didn’t expect to see you guys here!” Pretending that I know them makes them think I’m not a “stranger,” therefore, not a Bad Guy.

I could go on with my ruse: “Remember me? I’m a friend of your folks’. I met you guys at school a few months back. My little boy is in Nathan’s class.” Children are generally taught not to question adults, and while they might be embarrassed that they don’t remember who “I” am, they won’t reveal this. They’ll just accept my word as the truth.

So, when I continue, “Hey! Can you guys come to that little shop and help me pick out some candy for the plane ride? I’m really hungry, but I don’t know what’s good. And I’ll bet you two are experts when it comes to candy!” they’ll come along willingly.

As a child molester, kidnapper, or worse, I’ve just gotten a bonus–two kids for the price of one! What made it so easy? I knew their names. And the craziest part of the whole thing? Without realizing it, their parents are the ones who told me.

Labeling your child’s tee shirt with their first name, their backpack with a nickname, or a team jersey with their last name is unnecessary and dangerous. It gives personal information about them to everyone who reads it–information that those who don’t know them should not be privy to. Why take the chance with your child’s safety?

“Come Give Me a Kiss!”

November 27th, 2010

It’s officially that time of the year known as  “The Holidays,” whether your particular holidays include Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanuka, Kwanzaa, Ramadan, New Years, or some combination thereof. There’s shopping, decorating, cooking, and lots of rushing around. And there are parties with family and friends. Some folks, like your Aunt Susan, you haven’t seen in a year or more; others, like your sister and brother-in-law, you see often. But now everyone’s cleaned up and wearing their best sparkly clothes. Aunt Susan hugs you and tells you that you look great. Then, she turns to your kids and tell them how much they’ve grown–followed by, “Come and give me a big kiss!” But your darling little Ethan or Madison runs out of the room, screaming “Eww!” instead.

Do you let them go, offer Auntie an eggnog, and ask how long she’ll be in town? Or do you run after your child, drag him or her back into the room, and demand they plant one on your favorite relative’s cheek?

Having been a practitioner of the “Eww” technique for much of my early life, I can certainly empathize with those who choose this course of action. Then again, I believe it’s important to teach children manners and grace in social situations, and expressing disgust at the idea of showing affection to someone (followed by fleeing the scene) doesn’t necessarily fall into either of those categories.

But, what’s going on in this scenario may be more than it appears–more than a battle of wills with a seemingly-disobedient child. And your next move is very important.

Do you force your child to show affection for someone they don’t want to be affectionate with? What you may think of as simply giving a kiss–no big deal–may be much more to them. Overruling their decision not to smooch your elderly aunt teaches them that what they do with their own bodies is someone else’s call to make; not their own.

Of course, you would like them to consider the feelings of others before they act–especially when those actions may cause you to wince. But do you place greater value on encouraging them to recognize and honor their own feelings?

Is it necessary that you squelch their “rude” behavior? Or do you give them permission to say “No,” even to a grown-up, any way they know how?

At some point, ask little Ethan or Madison why they didn’t want to kiss Grandma Betty or Uncle Jack. The answer might be as simple as “She smells funny,” or “He looks scary.” Or it could reveal a situation you weren’t aware of. When asked why she didn’t want to give kindly, old Uncle Jimmy a kiss, a little girl I know replied, “He makes me sit on his lap, and he always has something hard in his pocket.”

It turned out that what Uncle Jimmy had in his “pocket” was a dangerous fondness for very young girls.

While this story is the exception rather than the rule, I still urge you to let your kids take the lead on who they shower with kisses, and who they don’t. At best, it’s empowering for them. At worst, it may help bring a dark secret to light.

Amazon Supports Pedophile Guide

November 10th, 2010

I’m one of those folks who’s all for looking at issues from a new perspective. If someone’s got a different point of view and I can learn something from them, great. Still, there are absolutes that I live my life by, and some things are just indefensible. This is one of them: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40112145/?gt1=43001

“The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure” is a how-to manual for adults who wish to engage in sexual activity with children–a practice which, by the way, is against the law. The fact that this book was written doesn’t surprise me. Working as a radKIDS Instructor for the past few years has made me very aware of the sick and twisted members of our society who prey on the innocent.

The fact that Amazon.com, a website I frequent for books and other online purchases, supports it and considers it worthy of selling? This I find disgraceful. And simply unacceptable.

Yes, Amazon is a private company and, therefore, can sell whatever it wants to (within the limits of the law). And yes, this piece of “work” has come under the scrutiny of police officials and been found not to cross the boundary of legality in the strictest definition of the word. That that it cannot be immediately pulled from the cyber-shelves on grounds of unlawfulness does not make it less dangerous, but more so. Its presence on Amazon lends it false credibility and undeserved legitimacy.

Those who have protested Amazon’s acceptance of the book have been attacked by proponents of “free speech!” I love my right to free speech. And I understand that, from time to time, I will come across thoughts and ideas that I may not like, but they are protected under the First Amendment. I also understand that not every word uttered by a human being meets the criteria to be covered by “free speech!” Hate speech, for one, is not protected. Nor is speech deliberate in its intent to cause harm to another. And that’s exactly what The Pedophile’s Guide is.

No one, regardless of personal problems, mental or emotional issues, or past torments, has the right to hurt a child. It’s that simple. Talking about how to do it, writing an “informational guide” or “instructional manual” on the best ways to violate, humiliate, and permanently damage those who cannot protect themselves is not something to be valued and protected. It is criminal.

Do you consider yourself open-minded? Excellent. Here’s a review of the book by someone who might babysit your kids some time:

“I can’t thank Amazon enough for keeping this great work of literature up for those of us with ‘special tastes.’ The instructions and images in the guide were extremely insightful and led to a wonderful experience for both myself and my partner. Thank you for protecting free speech, Amazon!”

Has the Almighty Dollar usurped our decency, morality, and the recognition that we must protect our children? This is not about “free speech!” or the right of this “author” to make money from his writing. This is about one of the strongest sites on the internet supporting a book about the “joy” of child rape.

“It’s So Great!”

October 27th, 2010

Upon finishing my most recent RAD Women’s Self-Defense class, I asked the participants what they thought. Had they gotten what they wanted from the class? Did they feel safer going out into the world? They responded that, yes, they had learned new ways of protecting themselves, and if they ever found themselves in a dangerous situation, they would be ready to do what they had to do.

My youngest student, a young woman of 17, said to me, “You know what’s really cool? It’s so great to find out what you can do!” During the class, she found out that she had not only the will, but the power and the ability to take down a male attacker much taller and heavier than herself, and to render him incapable of continuing his assault. She found out that, if she ever needs to, she can and defend herself successfully. She can fight for her life and win.

That knowledge alone makes her safer as she goes about her life. Why? Because muggers, rapists, and thugs of all kinds are experts at body language. They can spot a potential target from across a parking lot, or down a busy street. The person who’s looking down at their feet, who’s thinking, “Don’t anyone look at me; I don’t want any trouble,” is going to pull their attention. The one busily chatting on her cell phone, telling herself that it will keep her safe, is going to have him shaking his head and chuckling before he slips quietly behind her and grabs her. (And what will her friend on the other end of the phone do to “help” her at that point? Tell the police that he heard her scream and drop the phone.)

Then there’s the RAD woman who strides to her destination with purpose, looking at what’s happening around her. The one who’s thinking, “What if someone came from over there? What tools do I have available to fight with right now?” He’s going to stay away from that one–too much trouble. She’d see him coming and be able to provide the police with a description. She also might be ready to counter his best take-down move. He’d lose the element of surprise. If he can’t sneak up on her so she’s paralyzed with shock and fear, she’s liable to start yelling and attract attention. And that’s definitely not what he wants. Better to find a easy victim and leave the RAD chick alone.