Criminal Search Only Part of the Answer

The other day, I heard a radio commercial aimed at women in the dating scene. It advertised the services of website 123nc.com, which offers a search of criminal records throughout the state of North Carolina for $15.00, and outside the state for $20.00.

According to this radio ad, all you need to do to keep yourself safe from “The Bad Guys” is type your potential new beau’s name into the site and wait to see if a record pops up. Instantly, you will be apprised as to whether the cute guy you met at the bar has a history of violence, abuse, and/or criminal activity.

Of course, it isn’t that simple. Getting someone’s name and running it through a statewide records-check is not enough to keep you safe. What if he’s violent and has beaten 2 past girlfriends, but they were too scared to press charges? (Many women who have been abused are afraid of repercussions, so they never report the crimes committed against them.) What if he’s a child molester who hasn’t been caught? (The typical molester abuses 30-60 kids before he’s ever arrested.) What if he does have a record, but gave you his middle name, or a different name altogether?

As you can see, not showing up in a criminal search does not guarantee that an individual is a solid citizen and decent human being. So what can you do to protect yourself out there in today’s dating world? You need to tap into your “gut instinct”–and know what to look for. Does your new guy respect you? Does he lord over you, or honor your wish for personal space? Does he speak rudely to you? Ignore your boundaries, verbal or physical? Does he treat you like a queen out in public, but belittle you when you’re alone together?

These are all warning signs. The guy acting this way does not respect you, does not care about you as an individual, and has no interest in your needs or wishes. These are the techniques a criminal uses to test a new “subject,” to see how far he can go. If you allow him to get so close that it makes you uncomfortable, he realizes that “being polite” is more important to you than your own safety. He has found a victim he can work.

If he puts you down and you allow it, he understands that you won’t fight back when he escalates to more serious behavior. He can bide his time and mistreat you at his leisure. After all, it’s not like you’re going to defend yourself, right?

Or are you? You did the criminal records search. It came up clean, so you thought you had found a good man. Now that you’re finding out otherwise, it’s again time to take action. Lose the loser before you get in too deep. Throw this rotten fish back into the sea. If you feel physically threatened and aren’t sure how you would handle a confrontation, take a women’s self-defense class. Not only will you pick up a lot of useful skills for stopping The Bad Guy, but you’ll learn how to strengthen your boundaries and sharpen your instincts. And those are tools that will really help you in today’s dating world.

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13 Responses to “Criminal Search Only Part of the Answer”

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