Posts Tagged ‘escape’

Time Over Content?

Tuesday, November 26th, 2013

The other day, I received a call from a young woman representing a small women’s group here in the city. The members of the group had expressed an interest in learning self-defense; could I teach them? Absolutely, I replied. As we began discussing potential dates and times for a Saturday or Sunday (their preferred days), the caller stopped me. “Just what all is involved in your class, and how long do you need to cover it?”

I explained that we taught how to recognize a dangerous individual before it’s too late, de-escalation techniques, blocking and parrying, various hand strikes, proper punching and kicking techniques, as well as how to break strangle holds, wrist grabs, bear hugs, etc. And that we cover ground fighting and rape reversals, among other things.

“Well,” the group leader said, “that certainly is… a lot of material.” Yes, RAD Women’s Basic Self-Defense is a very thorough course. It has to be to effectively combat the broad spectrum of violence perpetrated against women in our society. But it was more than the caller and her group wanted. She asked how long I would need to pass all this information on to her group of 12-15. After all, “it’s important to keep in mind that they’re taking time out from their busy lives for this class.”

“For a group that size, we can offer a one-day workshop. We will complete the course in 6 hours. Three hours for the first half, maybe a short break for lunch, and three hours for the second half.”

“I see,” she replied. “That might be more time than they’re able to give. Keep in mind that a lot of these women are moms. They have to run the kids to team practice, piano lessons, etc. And some of them work on weekends. What can you teach them in two hours?”

Two hours? “Yes,” she stated firmly. “Time is more important than content.”

Rather than answer her question, I had to ask one myself: “With all due respect, ma’am, do the members of your group want to know how they can save their lives in case of an attack by a violent criminal? Or do they just want to pretend they know? Because in 6 hours, we can teach them how to break a hold, neutralize an adversary, and escape. In 2 hours, we can’t teach them anything, but they can kid themselves that they’re safe.”

When it comes to self-defense, there are no shortcuts. We’re happy to work with people, to set up classes around hectic schedules; to break up classes into multiple meetings if necessary. But knowing how to punch and kick with maximum effectiveness, to be able to rely on muscle memory to execute the technique… these are not skills that can be grasped by reading a book or watching a video. Nor can they be learned in a quick demonstration class. They have to be done, and done again, and again. Not slowly, and not against an imaginary “Bad Guy.” RAD understands the importance of dynamic impact–striking the specific targets of a padded attacker or martial arts dummy at full force, full power.  And we give each woman in the class personal attention and instruction to hone her technique.

I know you’re busy. You’ve got work, the kids, the house, your life! And learning how to fight for your life takes time and practice. But it’s not about giving us more time than you can spare. Give yourself  the time; we’ll bring the content.

How to Save Your Child’s Life

Friday, February 10th, 2012

Yesterday, in-store video from a Wal-Mart near Atlanta, Georgia went viral. It showed a strange man picking up a 7-year-old girl in an aisle of the toy department. It then showed that same little girl kicking and yelling and creating such a huge ruckus that the man put her down–and ran away! For those of you who haven’t seen that video, here it is: Girl Fights Off Kidnapper in Wal-Mart

Kudos to that young lady for doing exactly the right thing at exactly the right time. How did she know what to do in such a frightening situation? And how did she have the presence of mind to do it? Simple: her parents enrolled her in a Kids Safety class. It may have been radKIDS, or it might have been another class given by an agency that teaches similar principles. But the day her parents brought her to that first class, they saved her life. She learned that Bad Guys hate noise, and often demand that their victims stay quiet. She also learned not to listen to Bad Guys, but to yell long and loud for help.

She learned that no one is allowed to hurt her, and if someone tries to, she can make them stop. The Bad Guy held her arms, so she used her legs to kick him repeatedly as hard as she could–while she was still yelling. He realized almost immediately that he was not going to get away with this child. He put her down and fled (and was arrested by local law enforcement a short time later).

By using what she had learned in that safety class to escape this man’s hold, she saved her life again. He was on parole, having just been released from prison for killing a man. You can be sure his intentions toward this innocent, little girl were not honorable. Nor was he likely to let her go, knowing she could identify him to police.

Several parents contacted me after this video hit the news. They wanted to know how soon they could get their own kids into a radKIDS class, just on the outside chance that some predator might approach them when Mom’s or Dad’s back was turned. I gave them the information they wanted. Most thanked me and set about making room in their child’s schedule for the 4 weekly sessions that a radKIDS course meets.

But, after I’d finished telling one mom about all we teach, all the situations we cover, and the physical skills we give the kids, she shrugged and said, “Well, we’ll think about it.” She explained that her daughter already had a very busy schedule, what with gymnastics, piano lessons, and dance class.

Now, all those activities are fun, and can be life-enhancing. A radKIDS class is also fun, and can be life-saving. Parents must decide what’s best for their children, and certainly, sports and the arts are important. But the life-skills learned in a radKIDS class–personal empowerment, the ability to make decisions, and the choosing of a clear strategy (not to mention how to deliver a good, solid punch to the nose)–can help a kid in situations when no cartwheel, no arpeggio, no pirouette can.

911 Won’t Make You Safe

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

A woman I’m friendly with is in the process of breaking up with her longtime, on-again/off-again boyfriend. I say “in the process” because they’ve already had The Talk; he knows it’s over, and she’s packing up her things to head back home in another state.

The other night, after spending several hours at a bar with his buddy, Soon-to-Be-Ex came home drunk and threatened my friend with a knife. She responded by backing slowly into a corner of the room where the phone was, ready to call 911. Fortunately, seeing just how terrified he had made her was enough for him. He put the knife down and left the house.

I listened quietly as she told me all this. Then, my concern for her got the better of me, and I blurted out, “You were gonna call 911 when he was threatening to cut your throat?? Why didn’t you run??”

Confused, she reiterated, “But I was going to call the police!”

I told her that, in that kind of emergency, she needs to get away from her attacker first. Then call for help. If he had followed through on his threat, 911 would have heard the entire, horrible scene play out. The operator would have immediately dispatched police and EMTs to the address. But he/she could do nothing to physically stop him from hurting, possibly killing, her.

If you ever find yourself in a domestic violence or abusive situation, don’t back yourself up against a wall, furniture, or anything else. You must be free to move in any direction to escape injury and get away.

Know where your exits are. Is the doorway leading to the hall, the stairs, and the front door on your right? Your left? Behind you? Keep yourself oriented. Is there a window with a screen you can kick out?

Also, think about what’s right there for you to use as a shield or weapon. A tall vase can block a slashing knife. One woman threw a small lamp at a decorative mirror, then grabbed a shard of glass and cut her attacker with it. (He fled.)

Yes, calling 911 is the right thing to do when you’re in a dangerous situation. The police will get there as fast as they can. But there’s no guarantee they’ll arrive in time to stop the attacker from injuring or killing you. Sometimes, you’ve got to get yourself away from the danger so they can help you.

Fight Like a Kid!

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

‘Ever been to Myrtle Beach, SC? Great spot for a family get-away–golf, shows, shopping, and of course, the beach. Lots of “fun in the sun.” And a good place to kidnap a child?

Ask 4-year-old Josie. Someone tried to abduct her right off a Myrtle Beach sidewalk, on a bright, sunny afternoon, with her family just inches away from her. The kidnapper glided up quietly behind her in his car, and simply reached out the driver’s side window and scooped her up. She kicked and screamed as he pulled her inside.

Her 8-year-old brother, Nathan, saw the whole thing and ran to help her. He fought against the abductor, yelling, punching, kicking, and biting–anything he could think of to free his sister. The predator stayed inside his car, holding onto the girl’s feet. Nathan pulled back. He never thought of giving up.

“I did everything I could to get her back out of the car,” Nathan said. He even scratched the man’s arms, hoping to get bits of the Bad Guy’s skin under his fingernails. (“For DNA!” he said. Nathan learned something from watching crime shows on TV.)

Finally, the predator let go. Josie flew into her brother’s arms and they both landed on the ground. The Bad Guy sped away.

That’s how you fight evil–with everything you’ve got. Anything less would not have saved little Josie. If only every kid were prepared to defend themselves like that! Unfortunately, very few are. Most children, on finding themselves in a position of imminent danger, don’t know what to do. They become confused and terrified. And when a child is afraid, they shut down and give up. And right then, the Bad Guy has won.

We need to teach our children that, while there are some bad people in the world, no one has the right to hurt them. When they really believe this, they don’t react to endangerment with paralyzing fear, but with righteous anger: “How dare you hurt me??” They feel empowered to do whatever is necessary–kick, punch, hit, scratch, and yell for help–to defend themselves or someone they love. Josie yelled and kicked at her attacker. Nathan pulled her from his grasp. This kind of determination is what we need to instill in our kids.

We can’t be with them to protect them every second of their lives. So they must know 2 things:

1) they are worth protecting, and

2) they can defend themselves

They don’t need a parent, teacher, coach, or other grown-up to rescue them. There may be no one around to help them if a Bad Guy strikes.

Give them the information they need to be able to fight back against an attacker. If you know about kids’ self-defense techniques, great. Teach them to your kids yourself. If not, get them into a good kids’ self-defense and safety class. Then, teach them never to give up, but to keep fighting because they they’re special, they’re important, and they’re loved. As long as they keep fighting, they’ve got a fighting chance.

Targeted Attack

Wednesday, May 5th, 2010

“What are my tools? What are my targets?” I repeat this to the women in my self-defense classes throughout the sessions. Thinking about these vital points in an attack scenario allows them to realize they’re not helpless. This, in turn, means that they’re not likely to freeze up in fear if they need to use their self-defense skills in real life.

I don’t know exactly what a particular elderly lady in Portland, OR was thinking at the time she was attacked, but she surely knew she was not helpless; nor was she about to freeze up in fear:

88 years old and wrapped in her bathrobe, the intended victim of Michael Dick was picking up logs for her fireplace when he entered her home through a sliding glass door. Dick, nearly half her age at 46 years old, was completely naked. He followed her through her house and pushed her, face-down, into a living room chair.

Remembering a news story in which a woman was similarly attacked and how she escaped, this little old lady reached behind her, grabbed his testicles and squeezed. Hard. The surprise counter-move caused her attacker to change his plans. As soon as he could tear his… parts out of her grip, he ran from her home. Her 911 call led police to capture him a short time later.

In RAD for Women, we reveal to our students nearly one dozen tools (parts of the body they can use to defend themselves) that women have in their possession at all times. We show them how they can forcefully apply these tools to 18 specific targets (vulnerabilities) that male attackers have at all times. The results are quite advantageous to the women.

Other self-defense techniques teach similar information.The point is not necessarily to know RAD self-defense, but to know how to defend yourself–at any time, any place, any age. Do you know your tools and your targets? Could you use them tomorrow if you needed to?

Safe!

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
One of the first things my supervisor told us when we showed up for radKIDS Instructor training was, “We’ve had 31 saves. Thirty-one kids who took the radKIDS class later found themselves face to face with an abductor. Each of them used what they learned in radKIDS to escape and get help.”

In that training class, I learned that within the first few hours of a kidnapping, a child is most likely injured and sexually abused. Before 24 hours has passed, that child has probably been killed by his or her captor. So, it’s not a far reach to say that what those kids learned in the radKIDS program helped save their lives.

That was 2 and a half years ago. radKIDS is now happy to report 62 documented saves from abduction, and thousands more from molestation, abuse, and violence. This makes me proud but, even more, grateful. I’m proud to be a part of a program I consider a gift: to parents, to children, to everyone who loves children and recognizes how special they are, how full of potential, how vital to our hearts, our lives and, of course, our world.

But more, I’m grateful to have something tangible to offer parents and kids–something that’s proven, that really works. Thanks to the police officers and child safety experts who designed this program, we’re able to empower kids to trust their gut, make smart choices, and know that no one has the right to hurt them. Because when they know that, they can use what they’ve learned in class to escape from danger and get help. To save themselves when no one else can.